Discoveries that make you go...

I read an article today about a topic that is near and not so dear to my heart. It came about as a result of doing some self analysis. I have been doing quite a bit of that lately. Here's what I discovered: The reason that I don't seem to get any where with my dreams and desires is that I have a HUGE problem with..... procrastination.

Cringe with me if you will. The two biggest aspects of procrastination that I deal with are fear and perfectionism. The fear causes doubt in me, brings up all the things that could go wrong, and makes everything look like a gargantuan mountain that I must climb on my own. The perfectionism tells me that I must know how to do everything well before I start out on trying to accomplish it. This would explain why I have tons of books on business and music, but have yet to make any real headway in either.

I can gain all the knowledge in the world about a subject, but until I put feet to the idea, the true learning does not begin. My enemy is the belief that I can't make a living doing the things that I love. I want to destroy this enemy, take it out with a vengeance and begin the true process of learning. The time for talk and gathering information is over, the time to start walking it out has arrived. This evening is the dawn of a change (kind of sounds like an oxymoron, evening, dawn). Doubt must die on this day that celebrates death.

Underneath it all

I listen to the rhythms of my city. Asphalt and tire collide in layers and layers of sound. All pitched differently based on eagerness from the steed's rider. Air brakes hiss, and crosswalks chirp melodies, trains sound briskly, and yet still the organic has a voice. Crickets sing sadly, and the leaves rustle restlessly against their nourishment; eager to be free to discover the world on their own.

All this is the backdrop for the drama that unfolds daily. Here we are one million strong, but not one million unified. Each carves their own niche in this urban wilderness. Surrounded by people and yet completely alone. It's amazing how much of our time we spend in isolation. We all desire to have deep and meaningful relationships with those around us, but most of us don't even know our neighbors names.

The restlessness has been brooding beneath the surface and the ceramic masks we wear are becoming dangerously thin. What would it be like if we let go of what we thought that people thought about us, what we believed about them, and looked at our world through child like glasses? Perhaps we'd see that everyone else is just like us underneath it all.

Self Evaluation

So it has occurred to me over the course of the past several weeks that I have the attention span of a chipmunk on crack. In most moments of my life I am thinking about four or five different things, and volleying between elation and frustration, with a side of confusion thrown in for good measure.

I believe that I would get much more accomplished in my life if I simply slowed down my thought processes and concentrated on one thing at a time. Instead I scramble about trying to juggle three things at a time and push hard not to miss opportunities to be around friends and family when I have the chance.

It's time for an overhaul. It's time to set the major priorities and begin to structure my life a little more, without falling over the edge into the land of militant administration. I want to leave room for the spontaneity and randomness that I seem drawn towards at life-threatening speed. Balance....

Balance is the theme that I have heard on the internal megaphone for the past several months. So how do you develop balance in your life?

Learning

I can feel my blood flowing as I'm standing there coaxing my strings into a tuned position. I know their eyes are on me, but I feel a strange calm despite. The sounds of the world turn muffled as I step to the microphone, and for a brief moment the world stands still and I can feel and hear beyond what should be capable. I hear every string sing it's piece of the puzzle, and I feel the air fill my lungs and diaphragm. In that seemingly unending moment there is a strange realization that you are committed to it whether you like it or not. You pray that your voice compliments the handiwork of your fingers, and the world suddenly slides back to its usual rhythm.

You sense every emotion heightened beyond reason and all crammed together in unexplainably close time. Panic of being off tune, joy at seeing someone mouth the words, a dubious sensation at someone with an awkward look on their face. It happens so clearly, so definitely, but all within the context of realizing that you are simultaneously doing a another complete process. Practice becomes second nature, and those familiar words and chords deliver themselves into the ears of those who will judge them through their own filter of perspective. You release it to them to do with as they please, and hope that it draws them into your emotions and the world that you have experienced and captured in the songs you've penned.

The processes switch and the words and music become an encompassing force that leads you into the depths of meaning and time those words and melodies evoke. Hope that as those words kiss their ears, it becomes their story, it becomes their song. We can then share an intimacy that goes beyond what you are able to see or touch... a place that allows us all to grow and learn more of one another.

Showin' it up

Hey everybody,

This is going to be a quick post. I am sitting at Helios Coffee Company trying to get my nerves in check as I prepare to do a show here in several minutes. I'm excited. I am getting ready to set up for it. It's a little nerve-wracking, but I am going to treat it as an adventure. I am going to go out there and just have fun, because that is what the show should be.

And there you are.

It's been a while...

So life was handed to me like a hurricane this past week.. and frankly, this week has been no different. I would not call myself overwhelmed, just simply engulfed to the point of no return. It's not a bad thing, mind you. Just a simple reminder that many things are beyond my control, and that I constantly need something Grander to hold onto.

Weddings, pregnancies, engagements, dates, and shows swirl about my head at breath-wrenching speed. I've not been able to tell if there is rest ahead for lack of brakes on this jolly trolley. It smiles sadistically as it weaves to and fro on the unpredictable path called "life as I know it".

Yes.. and no. It is and isn't that bad. It's not bad so much as frantic. And frantic without unnecessary fretting. Dizzy yet? Welcome to my world. As it all rushes to the apex of the show on Friday, I have to remind myself to stop.

Breathe. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own. Live today simply and remember that it all works out....

There. That's better isn't it.

Progress.. progress

Ladies and Gentlemen I have just beaten two of my seven looming projects. I slapped those projects in the face and made them cry. They now know that Jeremy armed with a list, means trouble ahead and danger Will Robinson.

I am drawing some sort of oozing satisfaction that I conquered them so quickly. My friends it is a glorious day. Though tempted to slack off now for the rest of the day, I will press forward and stare my next project in its beady little eyes. It's on..

So what would you all think that the best way to get gigs booked would be?

The Madness of it all

I think that I have too many pots on the stove right now. I have at least seven projects on going, leaving me in moments of panic, despair, elation at having something to be doing, and then disappointment at not getting things done....

So I broke down and did it the other day.... I wrote a list. This is a day of triumph in adulthood for me, and sad realization that the Peter Pan winging gig just won't cut it anymore. Why do I believe the lie sometimes that responsibility and order are the death of dreams?

I am also seeing that projects are much more enjoyable when you share them with other people. I have spent far too long holed up in the solitary land of Party of One. It stinks.. I'm done with that ride, let's go get some cotton candy and see if we end up losing our biscuits on the Gravitron.

Collaboration is on the menu.

Another one I'm ready for..

I went to take in the sights and sounds of Across the Universe yesterday afternoon. I was not dissapointed. Very creative approach to the musical genre of film. Stylish with Gen X appeal. There was a weaving of the story through various characters and the subtle connections that brought them all together. You had to concentrate on the story rather than the acting, but I thought overall it was a great film.... but that's not what this is about.

My eyes were introduced to a new film that has me itching for its release. I think that it has a special place in my heart because of the musical aspect. The name of the film is August Rush. I don't think it's going to get a lot of attention, but I will definitely shell out to see it.

And there we are

This is my first post for October. Sad, but true. I have been fighting the reinstitution of East Coast time in my body, and the ominous threat of the cubicle blues with every ounce of my soul.

I am determined not to let the gray chamber of death beat down my will for something greater. Something that demands more of me than the pushing of buttons and the creation of company-standard reports. Steady pay checks are nice, but to me they seem like slips of paper that are meant to numb me into a life void of adventure, danger and the unexpected. I long for adventure. I long for something more than security and the status quo.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, but what will those measures be?